From the girl with a claw

Asheville Craigslist: Explain Lost To Me

fuckyeahlost:

There’s a free breakfast waiting for you in Asheville, NC…if you can explain LOST to this guy. His post:

Obviously this is a one-time deal. My offer is that I will buy you breakfast (anywhere you want) in exchange for an hour of your time and intimate knowledge of the TV series Lost. First, a bit of background: 1) I HAVE seen every episode of Lost, repeat I HAVE watched the entire series. I just can’t tie it all together 2) I’m not a complete idiot 3) But I’m not a Mensa member either. Also, you’re probably asking yourself, “Why don’t you just look the information on the ‘ol World Wide Web?” Well, I have a series of questions that aren’t really answered by specific web posting(s). And while one posting might answer one question it can, at times, contradict another answer I thought I had nailed down. So I want to be able to ask follow up questions, in real time, as they arise. My main confusion (read: frustration) is the last season’s crescendo of disappointment that climaxes with the last episode. I want to move on with my life; I need a healthy relationship with a new TV series, but I have baggage I need to check. This will be as cathartic as it is educational for me. That is also why it is of absolute importance that this happen with a stranger. I don’t want to be reminded of this experience every time I see someone I know; it needs to be a clean break. What I need from you is a healthy and macroscopic understanding of the Lost universe along with grasp on tertiary plots/character arcs/unexplained island phenomena, a sympathetic attitude that understands why I might feel incomplete with the Lost anthology and a workman like attitude in tandem with razor sharp analytical skills.

The bottom line here is I basically need a therapeutic closing as it has been months and I can’t shake this feeling that I’ve been given the business by this show. Also, yes, it must be breakfast as I am a morning person and my mind works best between my first and second cups of coffee. It is paramount that my mental agility be at its apex for this exercise.

I summation: we meet at a public place, I buy you breakfast, you answer my questions about Lost and walk away after exactly one hour. At that point I will order a third cup of coffee, let the experience wash over me, tip the server 35% (as I foresee audible cursing that will need to be financially compensated for) and take a gratifying sip that will be the beginning of the rest of my life. Shalom.

This is the best Craigslist post since the “Saw you getting off Oceanic Flight 815” missed connection and the “Guardian for island needed” post or the time Conan put himself on Craigslist.

I have sent him an email. I’ll let you know if he gets back to me.

Source: fuckyeahlost